My Point Is...
...that life isn't as complicated as we make it out to be. Honestly most of the times when we accuse other people of being childish, immature, inconsiderate, unforgiving, aren't we guilty of the same crimes? Lets face, every one is the same. Everyone goes through the same problems and difficulties. We might like to think that our problems are new, that they are unique to us but they aren't. Everyone is the same. So in light of this what then can we do? Are we all destined to live our lives all emo and depressed all the time? Well no, part of the solution of anything is to understand the problem. I will list out 4 things that may help in identifying where problems lie and hopefully be able to give a kind of a general solution to them.
1. People are selfish
Yes they are. And yes you and I are. And no stop saying you're not selfish because you are period! Even Jesus Christ himself gave over briefly to His humanity while at the Mount of Olives and asked "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (NIV Luke 22:42) Obviously though Him being the Saviour of the world and all that He submitted his will to the Father's and the rest as they say is His-story. So there, people are selfish. Get over it and stop whining that people are selfish. You can never change that fact. What you can change though is your reaction to it and your perception on it. Knowing that people are ultimately thinking only of themselves affords you the nice tool of being able to adjust your expectations so that you don't always feel you are short changed.
2. Communication is Key
And no I'm not just talking about the occasional (or frequent) chats on MSN or sms' or telephone calls asking about the other person's day or talking about your favourite subject like Macs or football or whatever. But communication is very important in any kind of relationship. I once attended a wedding ceremony where the pastors sermon was this very topic. His main points were that we should communicate often, communicate clearly, and communicate encouragingly. The first point I'm sure is self explanatory, one should be in the habit of communication in the first place. The second point talks about how in communication sometimes we take for granted that we know someone or that they mean it in a certain way when in actual fact we don't or we miss the point (this is especially true for communications between guys and girls). So in lieu of this we must always seek to clarify. Its better I think to be labelled "long-winded" or even" unromantic" rather than having an issue over some misunderstood communications. The third point is especially relevant especially in our Asian culture. Face it, we as human beings always tend to look at the negatives in any given circumstance. We tend to harp on a persons shortcomings rather than give praise where praise is due or encourage one another when they are down. We tend to be extremely judgmental and cynical to everything around us. You know its true, I know its true, the person down the street selling the newspaper knows its true. So why aren't we doing anything about it? Remember the Bible says "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be measured to you." (NIV Matthew 7:1-2)
3. Remember the Golden Rule
No its not some mystical and unknowable thing. Its not some super spiritual, super impossible thing to do. It just says *DO* to others as you would have them do to you. (NIV Luke 6:31) I know a lot of times people use this verse to justify their feeling unfair or short changed but if you read the chunk of Scripture, take the whole thing in context you would realise that it doesn't say anything about getting back what you expect from doing unto others. No, it goes on to say "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that." (NIV Luke 6:32-33) and so on. So our job is to do. Not to expect good things done back to us because ultimately our reward is from heaven. So whenever we do something good, or treat someone nice we should not expect anything in return. I know its easier said than done but we should learn to move away from this Asian thinking of tit-for-tat or "You do something bad to me, I will avenge myself and do something bad to you" or "I do something good for you so in return you must do something good for me". We have to move away from thinking like that because ultimately people will disappoint us (refer to point number 1).
1. People are selfish
Yes they are. And yes you and I are. And no stop saying you're not selfish because you are period! Even Jesus Christ himself gave over briefly to His humanity while at the Mount of Olives and asked "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (NIV Luke 22:42) Obviously though Him being the Saviour of the world and all that He submitted his will to the Father's and the rest as they say is His-story. So there, people are selfish. Get over it and stop whining that people are selfish. You can never change that fact. What you can change though is your reaction to it and your perception on it. Knowing that people are ultimately thinking only of themselves affords you the nice tool of being able to adjust your expectations so that you don't always feel you are short changed.
2. Communication is Key
And no I'm not just talking about the occasional (or frequent) chats on MSN or sms' or telephone calls asking about the other person's day or talking about your favourite subject like Macs or football or whatever. But communication is very important in any kind of relationship. I once attended a wedding ceremony where the pastors sermon was this very topic. His main points were that we should communicate often, communicate clearly, and communicate encouragingly. The first point I'm sure is self explanatory, one should be in the habit of communication in the first place. The second point talks about how in communication sometimes we take for granted that we know someone or that they mean it in a certain way when in actual fact we don't or we miss the point (this is especially true for communications between guys and girls). So in lieu of this we must always seek to clarify. Its better I think to be labelled "long-winded" or even" unromantic" rather than having an issue over some misunderstood communications. The third point is especially relevant especially in our Asian culture. Face it, we as human beings always tend to look at the negatives in any given circumstance. We tend to harp on a persons shortcomings rather than give praise where praise is due or encourage one another when they are down. We tend to be extremely judgmental and cynical to everything around us. You know its true, I know its true, the person down the street selling the newspaper knows its true. So why aren't we doing anything about it? Remember the Bible says "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be measured to you." (NIV Matthew 7:1-2)
3. Remember the Golden Rule
No its not some mystical and unknowable thing. Its not some super spiritual, super impossible thing to do. It just says *DO* to others as you would have them do to you. (NIV Luke 6:31) I know a lot of times people use this verse to justify their feeling unfair or short changed but if you read the chunk of Scripture, take the whole thing in context you would realise that it doesn't say anything about getting back what you expect from doing unto others. No, it goes on to say "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that." (NIV Luke 6:32-33) and so on. So our job is to do. Not to expect good things done back to us because ultimately our reward is from heaven. So whenever we do something good, or treat someone nice we should not expect anything in return. I know its easier said than done but we should learn to move away from this Asian thinking of tit-for-tat or "You do something bad to me, I will avenge myself and do something bad to you" or "I do something good for you so in return you must do something good for me". We have to move away from thinking like that because ultimately people will disappoint us (refer to point number 1).
4. Running Away Never Helps
I know that a lot of us tend to think that if there is a problem the best thing to do is leave it alone and somehow things might get better. Well they don't. And things don't magically fix themselves. It takes time, effort and understanding on both sides to resolve issues. While I do agree that sometimes you do need to take a step back to look at the whole situation (as is when two party's are quarrelling or there has been a misunderstanding) ultimately there must be set in place an avenue whereby both party's can come back and take positive steps in reconciling or resolving those issues. Now I'm not taking the other extreme either or the "power through" method where you stick to each other even though you can't stand each other but a balance between the two must be struck. The thing to remember here is to keep lines of communication open (refer to point 2) and not force things. Its easy to get caught up in the moment and be all emotional and do stupid things but running away from the problem will not make it go away. It will come back to bite you in the ass someday.
So there you have it, life can be very simple. Its up to us whether we want to react in a way which creates all these difficult and complicated scenario's. At the end of the day, complications only lead to more complications. What does this all mean? It means we are human and we can feel like shit sometimes and God knows that. It all depends on whether we want to wallow in self-pity, feeling all pitiful and depressed and emo about it blaming other people for being "immature" or somehow ask God for the strength to carry on. To do things even when things seem impossible.
So there you have it, life can be very simple. Its up to us whether we want to react in a way which creates all these difficult and complicated scenario's. At the end of the day, complications only lead to more complications. What does this all mean? It means we are human and we can feel like shit sometimes and God knows that. It all depends on whether we want to wallow in self-pity, feeling all pitiful and depressed and emo about it blaming other people for being "immature" or somehow ask God for the strength to carry on. To do things even when things seem impossible.
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